characters of the Bible in a monastery

okay this is something quite humourous I stumbled apon written by Andre Beuchamp! it's quite hilarious so prepare for the stiches...

anyways here goes:

Characters of the Bible in a Monastery
(And the various problems that ensued)


Brother Adam: Never did manage to retrieve him from that bush. Whenever someone would stroll haplessly by he would cry aloud “I’ve sinned.”

Brother Noah: Kept on making puddles in the yard while trying to make a boat and coax others to join him.

Brother Abraham: He was so obedient; one was tempted to think he was a Labrador.

Brother Joseph: Kept on asking others to lie down on a couch; when they would comply, he would ask, “Now then, tell me about your dream?”

Brother Moses: Refused to stop playing with (parting) the tomato soup.

Brother Joshua: Announced every dinner that the Covent wall will, “Fall down in seven days.” Laps around the grounds ensued every evening.

Brother Samson: Ever heard of Cousin It?

Brother Samuel: Kept on telling others about his “voices.”

Brother David: That un-tuned harp was driving us MAD!

Brother Solomon: I do not think he comprehended the term “Celibate.”

Brother Isaiah: Refused to wear clothes, even while on the ‘Missions to the Poor’ ministry.

Brother Ezekiel: Kept trying to sneak dung-cakes in for midnight snacks.

Brother Daniel: Encouraged Brother Joseph by telling him his “dreams.”

Brother Jonah: His story (slightly altered) inspired the movie “Jaws.”

Brother Zacharias: Could not stop saying, “His name is John, his name is John.”

Brother John (the Baptist): Staunchly insisted that, “It’s not my fault that I unwittingly created the salvation practice for millions of Protestants.”

Sister Mary: Insisted that she was still a virgin, even after the barn incident.

Brother Peter: Always was boasting about how he could walk on Brother Noah’s puddles.

Brother John: Kept on annoyingly mimicking Jesus voice while saying, “What is that to thee? Follow thou me.” Snickers and black eyes ensued.

Brother Judas: A manic-depressive who had to be kept from all forms of string; shuddered at the sight of metal. (Sister Delilah called him cheap for awhile because he did not ask for 1,100 pieces of silver.)

Brother Paul: Insisted that the way the Bible Cartoons portrayed him makes him look gay.

Brother Titus: Felt “special” because, once upon a time, Brother Paul wrote him two letters.

Brother Gabriel: Could be heard snickering every time Sister Mary or the word ‘men’ was mentioned.

Brother Michael: Argued constantly that since his prostate is larger then Brother Gabriel’s that he should have been the one to impregnate Sister Mary.

Brother God: All he says is, “I’ve chosen a bunch of MANIACS



may the grint be with and may you love free...

-The Revig